My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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