Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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