glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
