Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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