Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
