Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
