phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
