On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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