I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
