My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Life is so much better after having sex.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
