I feel like abortions should bother me more
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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