wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
