Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
