i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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