last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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