I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
