Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
