The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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