i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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