i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
