DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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