the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her