don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.