forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him