Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
