smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight