Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?