I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i barfeds in our rink
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
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I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes