yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
false alarm, still single
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize