we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
