I'm eating all of the evidence.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
