So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
