We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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