I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
