My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
