That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You smell like a Billy Joel song
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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