6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
