look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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