i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
