Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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