How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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