i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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