woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
