My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
