I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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