Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
