I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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