The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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