News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
