oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize