I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
