Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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