The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
