last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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