Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
