His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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