Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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