Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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