Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
