i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
