just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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