We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
