I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
