her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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