i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
