the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
