we're blogging at a bar
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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